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Mr. Stud

Mr. Stud

913 Written by Unknown

    The package comes on a Friday.  There is a five-foot box leaning against my door when I arrive home.  It is not addressed to me but my address is printed sideways on the label, so I bring it in anyway. I have to use a ballpoint to cut the tape.  There are still unopened boxes lying in my apartment and scissors are the last thing on my mind to try and find.  I run the pen along the sides of the box and then pull hard on the flaps. 
    The first thing I notice is the letter.  “Dear Jack Ryan,” the letter starts.  “Enclosed you will find Mr. Stud-O-Licious blow-up doll you purchased.  We apologize for the delay but the product you purchased was on back-order.  We hope you enjoy your Mr. Stud-O-Licious and we thank you for your business.”  I look inside the box and I see the plastic, inflatable Mr. Stud-O-Licious.  There is also a paper that explains how he is to be properly inflated, as well as an air pump and a pamphlet with his uses.  I take all of the stuff out of the box and put it on the kitchen table. I pick up the letter again and look at the name.  “Who the hell is Jack Ryan?” I say quietly to myself, while the wrinkled face of Mr. Stud-O-Licious stares back up at me.
    “It is always someone named Lily,” Janice says to me over the phone.  She is my only friend left after the split.  “You never hear of a man leaving for someone named Marge or Doris.”
    “Or Olga,” I tell her. 
    “That’s a good one,” she says.  Truth is, deep down you always want it to be an Olga.  As much as you hate the leggy blonde who smacks her lips while chewing bubble gum, the kind of woman who wears stilettos out in a blizzard, she is easier to admit defeat to.  No one wants to be left for a name that could be a character from The Golden Girls.

Posted on February 9th, 2009 in Fiction

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